Speckles of Time

Sometimes it feels like I'm living a double life. Hell...multiple lives. Parts of me are out there, reaching for new adventures, new thrills, new knowledge, Always happy and smiling, as if there are no worries in this world, only sun, dance and...adventure. Still...parts of me are...dead? Old? Gone? But they really aren't. They are just tired, tired to the point of no return. Tired of endless movement, tired of fighting, tired of...well...being human. But, what amazes me is how all these parts make a person  A person.  I don't think I would be the same without any of them,  No matter how tiresome the struggle gets. All of these parts, all of it is me.

I still think about you, I still miss you, I even still want you. That did not change. What changed is the frequency of such thoughts. And the energy surrounding them. I can finally think about you with smile on my face. I can finally miss you with warmth in my heart. And, most of all, I can finally want you without ever needing to have you. .... I know you'll always be there, As you always were.

There is something refreshing in recreating things; Believe me I would know. I've been recreating everything most of my life, Up to the point where "standing still" felt like something they do only in the movies. And yes, recreating your life, your everyday, can be scary and painful, But mostly it is magical. You get the chance to cut out, really cut out what no longer suits you, And, most of all, you get the chance to create something completely different if you wish so. Or, you can simply fine-tune the things you already have. The choice is yours. What could be more thrilling and liberating than that?

 As time passes, the more  I yearn for peace and quiet, because it is in those moments of almost stillness that I am able to truly feel myself, feel the pulsing of my heart, of my being and finally spread my wings as wide as I can and fly as far as I want. Calm and peace suddenly have a whole new dimension to me.