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Next to Me

I have a dream I never told you. A dream in which I wake up next to you, day, after a day, after a day. A dream in which this little act of waking up sets the tone to my whole day, be it a rush-full city day, or a slow moving vacay day. A dream in which the feel of your warm body, and a sight of your beatiful face, makes even the darkest mornings as bright as breezy summery day. ... There is just so little I need. You, next to me.
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You broke my heart, shattered it into million pieces, pieces that I am not sure I will ever be able, or willing, to put back into a marvelous story I hoped for us, hoped from the moment  I met you. It just... I would say hurt, but it is not that... It feels so... Empty, empty without my dreams, the dreams I used to dream for us. Empty without the hope, the hope I used to feel dancing in my heart whenever I heard your voice or saw your face... Just empty. I am not sure I will ever be able to forgive myself, forgive for giving you such power over me, and my dreams.

That Day

Do you remember that sunny winter day by the beach? A day when your head rested gently in my lap, Soaking in the sun, Listening to the waves crashing into the shore. A day when I got the chance to finally explore every inch of your face, Your eyebrows, Your ticklish eyelids, Your nose, Your slightly crooked, but voluptuous lips, Your sporadically ginger beard. A day when I got to stroke your hair, And play with your beard, Hours on end. A day when you opened up to me without saying a single word. A day when my heart met yours, And together they sang a tune only the two of us know. A day that marked the beginning of something special. A day when you told me everything without saying anything. A day when sun shone, And sea played. A day when all was, And all was not. A day when we just were.


Sometimes your words, Cut like a thousand knives, Piercing my heart, Both one by one, And all at once. ... I wonder, Will you ever admit it to you? To me? Or will you forever hide and run from it? ... I know you love me and mean well, But your running hurts me. It slowly tears my heart, Until t here will be nothing left to tear. ... I know I don't show it, But there is only that much I can take, Before I become a shadow of a p erson you know. Or worse. A monster you don't. Because once I love, I love hard and deep and give my all. But I expect the same back. There is no in-between or maybe. I want it all. Unapologetically. ... I just hope you wish the same. Because I've cried too many times, And I fear there is only a few left, Before it all turns to dust.

MY One

There are so many things I want to tell you, To experience with you,  To show you.  But at the same time, I fear it all.  What if all I want won't come true?  What if, even if we commit to it all, we run out of time?  Or worse. We have enough time, yet let it pass by without making the most of it?  Without fully cherishing all the moments we have?  All the little quirks that make us us .  What if we become just one of those people who let the life pass them by,  Instead of letting the life happen to us, In all its weirdness and glory? What if I loose you tomorrow, Without you really knowing how I feel,  How much I admire you,  How much I love you?  What if I never get to see you grow into the person you are meant to be,  To see you blossom in your whole might?  What if I never get the chance to see how my love for you will grow and transform through time? What if I never get the chance to grow old with you in our little forest house by the lake?  What if... ... There are so many wi